Lantis: A Parody of Aladdin
by LeMistressV
Summary: Finally UPDATED!!! It's Disney's Aladdin, Rayearth style! With the help of his sidekick, Mokona, Lantis must now find a way to get out of poverty and to win Hikaru's heart before Eagle does.
1. Default Chapter

Lantis: A Parody of _Aladdin_

By: LeMistressV

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, etc., etc. This is a parody of Disney's _Aladdin_. Also, some characters may act out of character. If you dislike this, don't read. Flames are not welcome here.

Characters:

Kailu Lantis as main character

Shidou Hikaru as princess

Eagle Vision as royal advisor to the sultana

Zazu as Eagle's pet parrot

Ryuuzaki Umi as sultana

Lafarga "Laffy" as palace guard

Princess Tarta & Tatra as the two genies

Mokona as Lantis' pet monkey

Rayearth as Hikaru's pet

Fuu & Ferio as main extras

Presea & Caldina & Aska as other extras

Guru Clef as the storyteller

Selece as cave of wonders

Geo Metro as Hikaru's suitor

Ascot as thief

Giant Sang Yung as crazy Lantis fan

Part 1

Scene 1

(Scene starts with Clef riding on one of his pets, while singing…horribly if I might add)

Clef: Oh, I come from a land in a far away place where the caravan cattle grow. Where it's flat and immense and the heat is intense, it's barbaric, but hey, it's home! When the winds from the east, and the suns from the west, and the sand in the glass is right. Come on now stop on by, hop on a carpet and fly, to another Chizeta Night. Chizeta ni------ght like Chizeta da------ys! More often than not, or hotter than hot in a lot of good ways! Chizeta ni-------ghts 'neath Chizeta mo------ons!! A fool off his guard will fall and fall hard up there on the dunes…

(finishes song and accidentally falls off his animal)

Clef: Stupid animal…(glances at camera) Ah! Salaam and good evening to you all. Please, please come closer.

(camera zooms in, squishing Clef's face)

Clef: Hey! Too close, a little too close! Dammit move away!!!

(camera zooms away)

Clef: There, that's better. Welcome to Chizeta, country of mystery…and enchantment. We're having the finest sale right here today, come on down, hehe. Look at this, yes, look at this. This is the genuine coffee maker, it even comes with fries! It will never break! (taps item on desk) It will never…(item breaks) It broke. (tosses item away) Oh, look at this. (takes out another item) This is the famous Chizeta toper ware. Listen, (opens it, while no sound comes out) um…ah! Still good.

(camera moves away from him)

Clef: Wait don't go!

(camera continues to move away)

Clef: Hey! Come back here!!!

(camera stops)

Clef: Hmph, cheap customer. I can see that you are more interested in stuff like this (takes out curry pot). Do not be fooled by its delicious appearance, for it is the inside that counts. This is no ordinary curry pot! It once changed a young – cough, cough yeah right–man's life. Perhaps you would like to hear the tale? Well, it begins on a, um, dark night, where a, er, dark man waits, with a dark purpose…

Scene 2

(Ascot arrives in the scene, tripping over his robes)

Ascot: Dammit! That hurt!

Eagle: (helps Ascot to his feet) You're late.

Ascot: My bad.

Eagle: You have it then?

Ascot: I had to nibble a few of them, but I got it (holds up half of a chocolate beetle).

Zazu: (sarcastically) Woohoo, it's a chocolate beetle. Like that's very rare to find, especially when it's only half of it!

Ascot: You're not supposed to be talking, you stupid bird!

Zazu: Who you calling stupid, vegetable boy!?

Eagle: (clears throat and takes chocolate beetle) Don't worry, Zazu, the prices for this is surely rewarding! (takes out other half of the beetle and puts them together)

(two pieces snap together and fly off quickly)

Eagle: FTO go! (follows trail)

Ascot: Beast Summon! (follows FTO)

Zazu: Hey! What about me? How the hell am I supposed to get there?! HEY!! (runs after FTO and Ascot)

_Fuu: Isn't Zazu supposed to be a bird? _

_Umi: Can't fly. After all, the wings we super glued onto him are just the cheap plastic toys. _

_Clef: That's right. If he tries to fly, the wings will break apart. _

_Hikaru: Shouldn't we warn Zazu about it? _

_Everyone not in scene: Nah. _

(finally Eagle and Ascot make a stop, while Zazu catches up with them)

Zazu: Damn!! I thought I was gonna die!! I mean, ack, curry pot! Curry pot! (acts like a parrot)

Eagle: Um, Zazu, I'm supposed to say my lines first. Um, okay Ascot. Now's your chance. Bring me the curry pot!

Ascot: What am I, your servant? Okay, okay. I'm too young to die…(walks towards Selece)

Selece: Show me the strength in thy heart that makes thee worthy of becoming a diamond in the rough.

Ascot: Gee, you're so original, Selece. I better be paid to do this. It is I, Ascot, here to rob you of your treasures.

Zazu: (slaps forehead) Nice going, Ascot. How the hell are we gonna get the damn pot now?!

Ascot: Hey, you wanna walk through this thing and get the stupid curry pot! I thought so! So shut up!!!

Zazu: You wanna piece of me!

Eagle: (laughs) Zazu, calm down. Let Ascot do as he pleases, as long as he gets my curry pot.

Selece: Know this. Only one may enter here. One who is worth –

Ascot: Yeah, yeah. This isn't _Aladdin_, you know.

Zazu: Well, what are you waiting for? Go on!

Ascot: I'm getting you back for this, short boy. (walks inside Selece's open mouth) This is the part where you eat me, you know.

Selece: …

Ascot: Hello? HELLO!!! (jumps up and down inside Selece's mouth) Hey, wake up! Oh well, I guess I'll stay to live to be as old as Emeraude (walks away).

(suddenly Selece shuts his mouth, chomping poor Ascot to bits)

Zazu: (screams like a girl) AHHHH!!! YOU KILLED ASCOT!!!!

Eagle: Umi! Your Rune-God ate Ascot!!

Zazu: Roll the film onto the next scene!

Scene 3

Lafarga: Come back here you thief!!!! (runs after Lantis, waving a big sword) Give back that money and food you stole!!!

Lantis: I didn't do it!!! (drags bag full of food and money and runs away from Lafarga and other guards)

Lafarga: Hey! Come back here!!!

Lantis: Oh man. If I die because I jumped off the roof, my soul's gonna sue!

Lafarga: I'll take your eyeballs for a trophy, boy!!!

Lantis: All this for a bag of money and food? (jumps off roof) AAAAHHH!!! I'm gonna die (lands on something squishy).

Mokona: Puuuu…(is knocked unconscious)

Lantis: Finally, I found a use for you. (glances at three women staring at him) Uh, ehehe…Morning ladies!

Fuu: (glances at watch) It's already noon.

Lantis: Same thing.

Caldina: Aren't ya gettin' into trouble a lil' early today?

Lantis: Nah! Trouble? You're only in trouble if you get caught.

Presea: Oh good, so those men coming here right now aren't coming after you (points towards Lafarga and other soldiers).

Lantis: (glances towards Lafarga) What? Oh shit (runs away with bag and Mokona)!!!

Lafarga: Come back here!

Mokona: (waking up) Pu! Pu, pu, pu, pu!!!

Lantis: Yeah, yeah, whatever. C'mon. (begins to sing real bad, worse than Clef) One jump ahead of the breadline. One swing, ahead of the sword. I steal only what I can't afford, and that's everything. One jump ahead of the lawmen. That's all, and that's no joke. These guys don't appreciate I'm broke. (jumps on a giant Mokona statue)

(Giant fishes begin to fall on guards. Lafarga and the rest begin to throw stuff at Lantis.)

Lantis: Hey! Hey, cut that out!!!

Lafarga: (singing) Riffraff! Street rat! Scoundrel!! Take that!!! (tosses Mokona plushies at him)

Lantis: (dodges plushies) Just a little snack guys.

Lafarga: Rip him open, take it back guys! (shakes Mokona statue)

Lantis: Hey!!! (falls off statue and through a window) I can take the hint. Gotta face the facts. You're my only friend, Mokona.

Mokona: Pu?

Lantis: Not really.

Fuu, Caldina, & Presea: Oh it's sad, Lantis' hit the bottom. He's become a one-man rise in crime. (begin to strangle him)

Aska: (puts arm in front of chin) OHOHOHOHO!!! I'd blame parents except he hasn't got 'em! (hits Lantis with broom)

Lantis: Gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat. Tell you all about it when I got the time! AAAAAAAHHH!!! (falls out window and lands on Mokona again) 

Mokona: PUUUU!!! (gets squashed to death)

Lantis: (sees Lafarga waving a giant fish in the air and runs) Damn! One jump ahead of the slowpokes. One skip ahead of my doom. Next time gonna use a nom de plume.

_Eagle: What's that? _

_Tarta: Dunno._

Lantis: One jump ahead of the hitmen. One hit ahead of the flock. I think I'll take a stroll around the block. (jumps into the air and accidentally lands on some dude lying down on some spike)

Some dude: ACK!!! (dies as Lantis crushes him, not because of the spikes)

Lantis: Oh crap!

Lafarga: Stop, thief!! Vandal!! Outrage!! Scandal!!

Lantis: Let's not be too hasty.

Giant Sang Yung: (pops up and practically suffocates Lantis) Still I think he's rather tasty.

Lantis: Yuck! Get away from me!! (blows up Giant Sang Yung into a million pieces)

_Aska: HEY!!!! _

Lantis: Gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat. Otherwise, we'd get along. 

Lafarga: Wrong!! (jumps into the air to tackle Lantis)

Lantis: Ah!! (runs away)

Lafarga: What?! (runs after Lantis)

Mokona: Pu, pupu, pu, PU!!!!! (jumps at Ferio)

Ferio: AH!! It's Mokona!!!

Lafarga: You idiot, roast it!!

Mokona: (gets scared) PU!!! (runs away)

Lantis: One jump ahead of the hoofbeats…

Lafarga: Vandal!

Lantis: One hop ahead of the hump…

Lafarga: Street rat!

Lantis: One trick ahead of disaster…

Lafarga: Scoundrel!

Lantis: They're quick, but I'm much faster…

Lafarga: (swings giant fish) Take that!!

Lantis: (takes rug and heads for window) Here goes, better throw my hand in. Wish me happy landin'. All I gotta do is–NO!!!! I'm not jumping!!!

Mokona: Pu, pu, pu!!! (shoves Lantis out of the window and bounces off of him)

Lantis: MOKONA!!! (gets up and starts gobbling up the food)

(Fuu and Ferio glance at Lantis hungrily.)

Lantis: Huh? (glances at Fuu and Ferio) You want a piece of this? (holds up piece of bread)

Fuu & Ferio: Yes, please!

Lantis: Hehehehe…(chomps down bread)

Fuu: Sir Lantis!!

Lantis: Okay, okay. (hands over piece of bread)

Ferio: That's all?! (mutters) Cheap bastard…

Lantis: Oh, please. Be grateful I gave you something.

Ferio: (mutters) More like a crumb…

(Lantis walks away with Mokona and glances behind two figures chatting.)

Fuu: Look, it's Prince Geo, on his way to the palace, I suppose.

Ferio: Another suitor for the princess.

Lantis: What?! Fuu? Ferio? How'd you get here before me?

Fuu & Ferio: Extras!

Lantis: Nevermind…(glances at Mokona)

(Fuu and Ferio run towards Geo.)

Geo: AHHH!! (points out gun and shoots)

Lantis: Hey! You can't do that!! You almost shot me!!! (glances at Fuu and Ferio behind him, then at Geo, where Fuu and Ferio were surprisingly standing) What?! But you were just right behind me!!!

Fuu & Ferio: Extras!

Geo: Hey! Get out of my way!!

Lantis: Make me!

Geo: (points gun) Have it your way.

Lantis: Ah! Okay, that's sensible enough.

Geo: I thought so! (walks into palace)

Lantis: Jerk…C'mon, Mokona. Let's go home. (walks away to his home)

(Mokona instantly falls asleep as they get to their…er…home. Lantis grumbles about how to kill Mokona.)

Scene 4

Geo: (bursts into room angrily) I have never been so insulted!! Good luck marrying her off! (stomps away with torn underwear)

Umi: (sees Geo's pink underwear and cringes) That's a sight for sore eyes. (walks out towards gardens) Hikaru! Hikaru!

(Rayearth pops up with the rest of Geo's ugly underwear.)

Umi: Wha?! (grabs torn cloth and cringes again) Ewe…Hikaru, that's the 5th person in a week.

Hikaru: What are you talking about, Umi-san? It was the same suitor over and over again.

Umi: Shhh!!!

Hikaru: And he really wasn't my type.

Umi: (mutters) I wouldn't blame you. After all, he did have ugly underwear. I mean–Hikaru, you really shouldn't be so picky. The law says that you must be married to a prince by your next birthday.

Hikaru: Law? What law? Says who?

Umi: I do! Now shut up and pay attention! ( pulls out chart with stick from air) Hikaru, if you marry, you'll live happily ever after! (points to picture of badly drawn Chibi Hikaru looking happy) Now, if you don't marry, you'll be unhappy! (points to picture of badly drawn Chibi Hikaru crying)

Hikaru: (sweatdrop) Umi-san, did you draw that yourself?

Umi: Got a problem with it?

Hikaru: Uh, er…no! Of course not!

Umi: Good! So the next person I choose for you will be your husband!

Hikaru: (mutters) Better not be Geo again–I mean, I'm not ready to marry just yet! (begins to play with water in fountain) Eh? (sees Fuu and Ferio swimming in fish costumes) Fuu-san? Ferio-kun? What are you doing in there?

Fuu & Ferio: Extras!

Hikaru & Umi: (sweatdrop) Um, okay…(back away)

Umi: (clears throat) Hikaru, my decision is final! (walks away)

Hikaru: Umi-san, you're so mean!!! (runs towards bird cages and sees mini bird figures of Fuu and Ferio) Wha?!

Fuu & Ferio: Extras!

(Hikaru gets freaked out and sets the birds free.)

Scene 5

Umi: (walks in room) I don't know where she gets her stubbornness from. _I_ wasn't nearly as picky.

_Clef & Ascot: (snicker) Yeah, that's why she doesn't have a husband in this film. _

Umi: Hey! I heard that! Don't make me command Selece to eat you up again. Now, as I was saying, before I was _rudely_ interrupted! Where am I supposed to find a person for Hikaru?

(Eagle and Zazu enter the room.)

Umi: (jumps) AH! Don't do that! Oh, it's just you, Eagle. (sarcastically) Just the person I wanted to see…

Eagle: Sorry. I'm here to serve you, sir–ma'am! (salutes)

Zazu: This isn't the army, Eagle.

Umi: (frowns then smirks) Oh, Zazu. Have a cracker! (stuffs Zazu with stale crackers)

(Zazu chokes.)

Eagle: (laughs) Her majesty certainly has a way with dumb animals.

(Zazu glares at Eagle.)

Eagle: Ehem…Uh, perhaps I can find a solution to this problem.

Umi: Really?

Eagle: That's right. But it would require the use of your Rune–

Umi: Take it! It's yours! (walks away)

Eagle: But I didn't even finish. And I'm supposed to hypnotize you.

Umi: Oh, why bother? It wastes time and film. Toodles. (leaves)

Zazu: (spits out stale crackers) Yuck! Ewe! Gross!!!

Eagle: You said it. Who's going to clean the floor now?

Zazu: (sweatdrop) I wasn't talking about the floor, Eagle. Gee, thanks for caring…(storms out)

Eagle: (clueless) Huh? Was it something I said?


	2. 

Part 2

Scene 6

(Hikaru sneaks away from the castle and tries to climb over a marble wall, but is too short.)

Rayearth: Girl from another world, where are you headed at this hour?

Hikaru: (jumps) Ack! (turns around) Oh, it's just you, Rayearth.

Rayearth: (suspiciously) What are you doing?

Hikaru: What does it look like? I'm running away.

Rayearth: (calmly) Oh, I see…(slowly walks away then finally realizes what was happening) WHAT?! (runs back to Hikaru) Are you insane?! You can't run away!!!!

Hikaru: SHHH!!! Don't shout! Everyone will hear you!

Lafarga: (sarcastically) Yeah, that's why we can't hear the noise they're making right now… 

Hikaru: I'm sorry, Rayearth, but I can't stay here and have Fuu and Ferio stalk me all the time. And no doubt Umi-san is going to find Geo for my husband…again.

Rayearth: Oh…well, in that case, can I came with you?

Hikaru: What?

Rayearth: Can I come with you…please?

Hikaru: (sarcastically) Of course!

Rayearth: Really?

Hikaru: No.

Rayearth: You suck! (walks away) Good luck climbing over that fence!

Hikaru: Hey! Rayearth! Come back here!! RAYEARTH!!!!!!!

Scene 7

(Hikaru walk through the market place after she finally had to sense to blow up the wall.)

Ferio: (holds up pot) Pretty lady, buy a pot. No finer pot than brass for silver!

Hikaru: Oh no…(keeps walking from stall to stall)

Fuu: Sugar canes! Sugar canes and beans! Sugar canes and pistachio!!!

Ferio: Would the lady like to buy a necklace? A pretty necklace for a pretty lady.

Fuu: FRESH FISH!!! (shoves dead fish in front of Hikaru's face) We catch 'em, you buy 'em!

Hikaru: AAAAH!! (bumps into Ferio, making him choke on a lit match)

(Ferio chokes, then burps out a burst of flames. Hikaru runs away. Meanwhile, Lantis is sitting on top of a stall.)

Lantis: Okay, Mokona, go!

Mokona: (looks scared) Pu, pu, pu?

Lantis: Go get us some food!!

Mokona: (shakes head) Pu, pu pu!

Lantis: Stupid animal! (shoves Mokona off stall) And don't come back until you get some food!!!

(Mokona comes back an hour later with nothing.)

Lantis: I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NOT TO COME BACK UNTIL YOU GET US SOME DAMN FOOD!!!!

Mokona: Pu, pu, pu? (takes out stuffed Mokona plushy)

Lantis: WHAT?! That's all you got?! Fine!! (grabs Mokona and tries to break Mokona in half) Breakfast is served!

_Presea & Caldina: EWE!!! YOU CANNIBAL!!!! _

Clef: HEY!!! GET AWAY FROM MOKONA!!! 

Mokona: (panics) PUUUUU!!!

(Lantis is about to eat Mokona alive but sees Hikaru pass by.)

Lantis: (drops Mokona) Holy shit! She's hot!!

(Hikaru walks towards a stall with apples and sees a little kid trying to reach one.)

Hikaru: Oh, you must be hungry. Here you go! (grabs all apples from stall and hands everything to kid)

Ferio: You better be able to pay for that.

Hikaru: What? Ferio!? Do you own every stall?

Ferio: Extras! And Fuu owns half of the place. Now, as I was saying, do you know what the penalty is for stealing?

Hikaru: No! No please!!!

(Ferio takes out a radio and puts in a Jessica Simpson CD. But instead of Jessica Simpson singing Irresistible, everyone can hear Lafarga's awful voice.)

Radio with Lafarga's voice: You know, I don't know what it is, but everything about you is _so_ irresistible…

(Lantis drops dead on the floor, traumatized.)

Radio with Lafarga's voice: Don't you try and tell me that she's not my type…

Hikaru: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Lafarga: How'd they get that CD? 

_(In the background, Caldina and Ascot are laughing evilly at Lafarga.) _

Radio with Lafarga's voice: I know what I feel in –

Lantis: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! I can't take it anymore!!! (takes out sword and slices radio into a million pieces before blowing it up)

Hikaru: (sweatdrop) Um…I don't think that was in the script…

Ferio: HEY! Who're you supposed to be?

Lantis: I'm…uh…I'm…(points to Hikaru) Sister!!! (goes to Hikaru and hugs her)

Hikaru: But, I – (gets suffocated by Lantis)

Ferio: (sweatdrop) You…? Both of you are related?

Lantis: That's right! Right, Mokona?

Mokona: (shakes head) Pu, pu, pu.

Lantis: (kicks Mokona) Um…don't mind him, he's just…uh…passing stranger.

Ferio: Well, if what you say is true, then you'll have to pay the price of your little sister's crime! (takes out another radio from pocket (how'd he get in there?)

Hikaru & Lantis: What the…?!

(Ferio takes out another CD and plays it on the radio. This time, it was Geo singing.)

Radio with Geo's voice: You are…my fire. Your one desire.

Hikaru: Oh, gosh no!!!

Radio with Geo's voice: Believe…when I say. I want it that way!

(Lafarga's voice is heard, joining in with Geo's.)

Radio with Lafarga's voice: Tell me why?

Both: Ain't nothing but a heartache!

Radio with Lafarga's voice: Tell me why?

Lantis: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!! (blows up radio)

Ferio: Awww…you broke it. Oh well, I have another one right here, see! (plucks out another radio from pocket (that's a lot of radios)

Hikaru & Lantis: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! (run away from Ferio)

Scene 8

(Zazu is on a treadmill, running as fast as he could.)  
Zazu: (pants) hey…Eagle…I –

Eagle: Save your breath, Zazu, now run faster!

Zazu: Are you insane!? (continues running) Why am I running in the first place?

Eagle: Uh…(shrugs)

Zazu: WHAT?! (falls anime-style on floor, accidentally tripping off treadmill) You mean…(pants) I've…been running…for nothing?!

Eagle: (thinks for moment) Hmm…oh yeah! Now I remember! You were supposed to run on the treadmill so I could power up the FTO and look for "The Diamond in the Rough." But since you stopped, you'll have to start it over again.

Zazu: (bursts into tears) BUT I RAN FOR TWO HOURS ON THAT STUPID THING!!!!

Eagle: (shakes head) Sorry, Zazu, but you weren't even close. You see, you have to run _five_ hours in order to power up the FTO.

Zazu: FIVE HOURS!?!?!?! ARE YOU INSANE?!?!?!?!

Eagle: Zazu, you shouldn't be wasting your breath. Now hop onto that treadmill and start running.

Zazu: (bursts into tears again) I WANT A NEW JOB!!! (begins to run really really fast)

Eagle: (glances at script) Oh, wait a minute…(reads script) Oh! Zazu, you were only supposed to run for 5 minutes!

Zazu: WHAT?! (stops abruptly and falls onto ground) Uhhh…I'm okay…(sees mini FTOs circling head)

Eagle: (looks at screen) YES! This is awesome!!! YEAH!!

Zazu: Have you found "The Diamond in the Rough?"

Eagle: THIS IS AMAZING! GO GO GO!!! FASTER!!!

Zazu: What's so amazing? (glances at screen and sees Eagle watching Second Season of Magic Knight Rayearth) W…What the…?! (twitches)

Eagle: Look, Zazu! This is the part where I am about to fight the Magic Knights!

Zazu: (drops dead anime-style) ?!?!?! EAGLE!!!!

Eagle: (frowns) Zazu, you're distracting me from my favorite part! Look, this is the part where I say "FTO go!"

Zazu: It's a DVD! You can watch it anytime! Now hurry up, and find Lantis!!!

Eagle: How'd you know "The Diamond in the Rough" was Lantis?

Zazu: Because it says so in this script!!!

Eagle: Okay, okay. (changes channel on FTO screen) There, there he is, "The Diamond in the Rough." (watches Lantis strangling Mokona) Oh, gee…(sarcastically) what do you know. It's Lantis. Zazu, send Lafarga and his troops to bring him to the palace.

Scene 9

(Lantis and Hikaru are climbing on top of roofs, trying to get to Lantis' house.)

Hikaru: Um…Lantis, I don't mean to be rude, but where exactly is your house?

Lantis: Don't worry, uh…I'm sure we're close by!

Hikaru: (mutters) That's what you said two hours ago.

Lantis: (mutters) Dammit, we're lost! Where the hell am I now?

Mokona: Pu, pu, pu!

Lantis: Oh, you're no help.

Mokona: Pu, pu, pu!

Lantis: Hey, shut up, Mokona! I'm trying to think!

Mokona: (points at something) Pu, pu, pu!

Lantis: (gets pissed off) Grr…shut up, Mokona!! (grabs hold of Mokona and begins to choke it)

Hikaru: Uh…Lantis, maybe Mokona was trying to point out your house.

Lantis: Huh?

Mokona: (nods) Pupupupupupu!!! (points at house with sign)

Hikaru: (reads sign) Lantis's House right here. Hey, Lantis, your house is right here!

Lantis: How the heck do you know where I live if I don't even know myself?

Hikaru: (shrugs) The sign says it right there.

Lantis: (glances at sign) Oh, I knew that! I was just…testing you!

Hikaru: (mutters) yeah sure…

Lantis: (grabs Hikaru towards his house) Well, don't just stand there! Hurry up already! Oh, and watch your step. (trips and falls as Mokona hops around the house) Damn you Mokona. I'm gonna have roasted marshmallows fro dinner tonight once I'm through with you!!!

Hikaru: (sweatdrop) O-e?

Lantis: Oh, so, anyway, where'd you come from?

Hikaru: Oh, it doesn't matter, really. I just ran away and I'm not going back. And you can't make me, Umi!!!

Umi: (from backstage) Oh, you're coming back this instant and you're gonna marry Geo!!! 

Hikaru: But I don't want to! (bursts into tears)

Lantis: (panics) AAAAAAH!!! My armor's not waterproof! (armor begins to rust)

Hikaru: Oh, sorry, Lantis.

Lantis: Shhh!!!! You're not supposed to know my name yet!!!

Hikaru: Oops, sorry, Lantis.

Lantis: DON'T CALL ME LANTIS! I'M NOT LANTIS!!!

(Everyone stares at Lantis.)

Lantis: MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!!!!

Hikaru: (sweatdrop) Um, Lan – I mean, you don't have to make such a big deal out of it. Look, I already stopped calling you Lantis.

Lantis: Oh, okay. So, why _did_ you run away?

Hikaru: My mother's forcing to get married to Geo.

Lantis: (cringes at thought of Geo) Ewe…I wouldn't blame you.

Geo: HEY!! I HEARD THAT!!! 

Lantis: (clears throat) I mean – that's awful!

Hikaru: Tell me about it.

Mokona: Pu, pu, pu, pu!!!

Hikaru: Oh, I –

Lantis: (interrupts) Mokona says that's unfair!

Mokona: (shakes head) Pu?

Hikaru: (mumbles) I understood what Mokona said. And he didn't say that…I mean – really? That's so sweet! (hugs Mokona)

Lantis: !? Hey, what about me?!

Hikaru: (sweatdrop) Oh, um, you're cool too, Lantis.

(Music plays as Hikaru and Lantis are about to kiss.)

Lafarga: (interrupts scene) THERE YOU ARE!!!

Hikaru & Lantis: HEY!!! The scene was getting good too!!!

Mokona: (looks relieved) Pu…

Lafarga: (sweatdrop) I've got you cornered now, street rat! You're trapped!

(Lantis is tied up with something fluffly.)

Lantis: Hey, what is this? (looks at rope) MOKONA!! WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO YOU?!

Ferio: We couldn't find a rope, so Mokona was the best thing we could use.

Hikaru: (runs and punches Lafarga) Let Mokona go!

Lafarga: Make me!

Hikaru: Honouo Ya!!! (uses Flame Arrow at Lafarga)

Lafarga: (hair burns to a crisp) AAAAAAAAAAH!!!! (runs around room, while screaming like a girl)

Hikaru: (sweatdrod)…

_Caldina: Quick! Someone put his hair out, before he becomes bald!_

_Umi: Mizu no Ryu!!! (Uses Water Dragon to put out Lafarga's hair)_

Lafarga: (hair burns to crisp) Too late…

Hikaru: Lafarga, are you okay?

Lafarga: GASP! PRINCESS HIKARU! What are you doing outside the palace? We must take you back to the palace immediately!!! (takes Hikaru and drags her back into palace, followed by Lantis)


	3. 

Part 3

Scene 10

(Hikaru walks around the castle. Meanwhile, Eagle is walking through a "secret passage", chewing a candy bar. Behind him, Zazu is taking his time walking through the passage.)

Hikaru: (sees Eagle) Oh, Eagle! I need to speak with you.

(Eagle swallows candy bar whole and tosses wrapper onto Zazu by accident. He then shoves the wall shut, accidentally squishing Zazu as he tried to walk through.)

Eagle: Oh, Hikaru!

Zazu: (suffocating) Ack! Eagle, I'm stuck! Eagle!

Eagle: How may I help you today?

Zazu: Eagle, I can't breath. EAGLE!

Eagle: (kicks Zazu and shoves wall closed) Is there something puzzling you?

Hikaru: The guards just arrested Lan – I mean a young man from the market. Do you happen to know what happened to him? And were you chewing a candy bar? That's illegal, you know.

Eagle: (innocently) Um, of course not! I would _never_ so such _illegal_ things!

Hikaru: (mutters) Yeah right. Eagle, the guards just arrested a boy from the market. Since you're head of keeping peace of Chizeta, do you happen to know where he is?

Zazu: (mumbles painfully from secret passage) Of course Eagle would know. He's the one who arrested him.

Hikaru: What?

(Eagle kicks the wall. In the background everyone could hear loud curses.)

Eagle: (laughs nervously) I have know clue on where the –

Lafarga: (walks in) Hey, Eagle, ready to execute orders on that brat from the market place.

Hikaru: O-e?

Eagle: What brat?

Lafarga: You know, the one I just arrested. The one who was with Princess Hikaru.

Eagle: (sweatdrop) Thanks a lot, Lafarga. You've just blown my cover!

Lafarga: (raises thumbs up) You're welcome! (leaves room)

Hikaru: WHAT?! What was his crime?

Eagle: (laughs nervously) Well you see, he was…um…he…well…he was chewing on a candy bar!

Hikaru: No! That could only mean –

Eagle: Unfortunately, yes. He will have to undergo the…(says slowly) Chocolate Test!

Hikaru: What horror – wait a minute. What's the Chocolate Test?

Eagle: He has to try out Zazu's and Geo's cooking.

Hikaru: No! How could you? (runs away from Eagle)

(Zazu shoves open the wall and weakly crawls towards Eagle.)

Zazu: Damn you, Eagle! It took me forever to open that stupid wall!

Eagle: Calm yourself, Zazu. At least you got out.

Zazu: (mutters) Barely. So, how did it go with Hikaru?

Eagle: I think she took it…erm…rather well. 

Author's note: Sorry if this chapter was so short! My story is progressing slowly. Thanks for your patience! Also, I won't be updating this until I get enough reviews. Sorry! ~-^;


	4. 

Scene 11

(Lantis is found, walking around in circles, dragging a plastic chain with a big black ball tied on it.)

Lantis: (unemotionally) Oh, gee, I am trapped in a dungeon. Oh, please someone save me.

Tarta: LANTIS! MORE EMOTION!!!!

Lantis: (ignores Tarta) Oh, please let someone come and save –

Tarta: LOUDER! MORE EMOTION! NOW!!!

Lantis: (gets pissed off and hops around, acting childish) Oh, boy, oh boy!! I'm stuck in a dungeon! Jeepers! I'm the luckiest boy in the world!!! Gee, I wonder when they would come and execute me! Jeepers! I can't wait!

_Ascot: Okay, not THAT emotional. _

Lantis: (mutters) Make up your mind.

(Suddenly, something bounces off of Lantis' forehead, making him squeal like a girl.)

Lantis: (screaming like a girl) AAAAAAH! Something hit me, mommy! Something bouncy, fluffy and dis – wait a minute! (looks down on floor)

Mokona: Pu, pu, pu!

Lantis: MOKONA! YOU ALMOST GAVE ME A HEARTATTACK!

Mokona: (cheerfully) Pu, pu, pu!!

Lantis: Would you hurry up and set me free already!?

Mokona: (clueless) Pu, pu, pu?

Lantis: Fine! I'll do it myself! Worthless animal. (grabs Mokona and stuffs Mokona in keyhole)

Mokona: Pu!!!! PU! PU!

_Fuu: Oh my! Poor Sir Mokona! _

Clef: WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MOKONA?!?!?!

(Lantis finally hears a click and the pastic lock opens.)

Lantis: AHA! Now, we'll blast our way through –

Eagle: (dressed in a funky costume and has a funky old voice) Oh, give it up boy.

Lantis: (sees "old man" and screams like a girl) AHHHHHHH!!

Eagle: (alarmed) AHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Lantis: Eagle?

Eagle: SHHHH!!!! Not so loud! I'm wearing a disguise!

Lantis: Oh, well…in that case, who the hell are you?!

Eagle: (puts on funky voice): A lowly prisoner like yourself. But together, perhaps we can be more!

Lantis: HAHAHAHAHA!!! I'm not working with an old man that's been rotting down here! They're all crazy and scary and they keep hallucinating and–

Zazu: (stuffed in a bag on Eagle's back) Yeah, yeah, we get your point.

Lantis: (points accusing finger at Eagle) You see!!! I'm starting to hear voices! I'm going to go crazy!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Eagle: …

Zazu: Eagle! Hurry up! I'm starting to malt!

Eagle: (shoves Zazu off of him) Ehem! There is a cave, BOY! A cave of wonders! Filled with treasures beyond your wildest dreams! (shows Lantis a bunch of colorful rocks)

Lantis: They're…rocks.

Eagle: No, they're treasures!

Lantis: They're rocks! Are you trying to tell me that I don't know the difference between a rock and treasure?!

Eagle: TREASURES! THEY'RE GEMS!!!

Lantis: Rocks!

Eagle: Gems!

Lantis: Rocks!

Eagle: Gems!

Lantis: Rocks!

Eagle: Rocks!

Lantis: Gems! Hey…wait minute–

Eagle: Aha! See, you said it yourself. Now, shut up and pay attention. Now, these…_gems_ may worth enough to impress your princess, I suppose.

Lantis: But the law says only–

Eagle: You've heard of the golden rule, haven't you? The one that has the gold makes the rules!

(Zazu puts an extremely ugly mask of Barney in front of Lantis and makes it smile.)

Lantis: AHHHHH!

Mokona: (pulling its head out of microscopic keyhole) PUUUUU!!!

Lantis: (gulps) So why are you sharing this great _fortune_ with me? Besides, I don't trust creepy old men who have a face that looks like Barney.

Eagle: (flinch) A…As I was saying, I need a _young_ lad with a strong back to do my dirty work.

Lantis: (mutters) Looney old man. Haven't you forgotten something? It's out there. We're in here, genius! I don't see any holes or passages to get out of!!!

Eagle: (glances around him and blasts open the wall) There is now.

Zazu: Now hurry up! We don't have all day you know!

Lantis: (grumbles) This better be worth it. 


	5. ...

Scene 12

(There was a large sandstorm occurring when Lantis and "the old man" journeyed to the cave of wonders. Unfortunately for Lantis, Eagle's FTO broke down, causing Lantis to drag FTO with Eagle and Zazu inside.)

Lantis: (growling) BASTARDO! I demand justice!!! This is your stupid machine! Why don't _you_ go and drag it!!!???

(Meanwhile, while Zazu suffocates inside a bag, Eagle is happily watching the Second Season of Magic Knight Rayearth.)

Eagle: FTO, go! Yeah! Man, am I cool or what?

Zazu: (suffocating) Uh…Eagle…

Eagle: …Hey…wait a minute…Oh no! I forgot this was the episode where I died! No! Eagle!! (sobs as he watches Eagle save the Magic Knights and get blown up by Debonaire) Poor Eagle. He never had the chance! I can't believe Eagle died!!!! (continues to sob) He was too young to die!

_Geo: (blows nose with handkerchief) I can't believe Eagle's dead!_

_Lafarga: Poor, guy, he never had the chance. _

_Tarta: (looks at Geo then Lafarga) You idiots! Eagle's not dead! He's right there!!!! _

_Tatra: (giggles) Tarta, your accent. _

_Tarta: To hell with my accent!!!! _

_Geo & Lafarga: Oh yeah! Eagle's alive! YAY!_

Lantis: Argh! That's it! I've had enough! I'm not dragging this anymore!

Eagle: (comes out of FTO) Oh good! We're here!

Lantis: (drops dead anime-style) Here? WE'RE HERE ALREADY?!?!?!

Eagle: Yup! Wonderful, isn't it? Now, here we are. Hey, cave of wonders! It's your cue! Cave of wonders? (looks around) Cavey?

(A blaze of water erupts from Selece's mouth at Eagle.)

Selece: WHAT?! WHO THE HELL DISTURBED MY &%*^%&^ SLUMBER THIS TIME?!?!?!

Eagle: (hides behind Lantis and points to him) He did! (pushes Lantis towards Selece) Goodbye, Lantis. It was nice knowing you! (runs and hides in FTO with Zazu, who was still suffocating) BRING ME MY CURRY POT, LANTIS!

Lantis: But I–

Selece: (opens mouth) Well, hurry up! I don't have all day.

Lantis: (peers down at mouth opening) Ewe! You want me to go in there? Ewe! Somebody get this guy a Tic Tac!!!!

Eagle: JUST DO IT! I'M HUNGRY!!

Lantis: But how am I supposed to get a curry pot inside this…Rune God's mouth?!

_Ascot: Don't worry, Lantis. You're not actually going to go _in_ Selece's mouth. We made a passage right in front of Selece. Just walk towards him until you fall down and break your– _

_Presea: Ascot! _

_Ascot: Ehehehe…forget the last part. _

Lantis: (grumbles) This better work. (walks towards Selece and falls down, followed by Mokona, who was gagged along the way) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Mokona: (enjoying itself) Pupupu!!!!! (falls on top of Lantis)

Lantis: (gets squished by Mokona) OWWWWW! MOTHER–(begins to curse)

Mokona: (walks in carrying a "Censored" sign) Pu, pu, pu!

Lantis: (gets up from floor) Crazy old man. (looks around the room and sees it filled with REAL gold)

(Lantis's eyes bulge out of their sockets as he runs towards the gold)

Lantis: GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLD!!!!!!!!!!! I'M RICH! I'M RICH! KILL ME NOW AND I'D DIE A RICH AND HAPPY MAN!!!

_Umi: (looks at Clef) Clef, it's not really real gold, is it?_

_Clef: (laughs evilly) Bwehehehe…Of course it is. But once Lantis touches it…bwehehehehehe… _

_Caldina: Eh? _

Mokona: PUUUU! (runs in front of Lantis and stops him from touching gold) Pu, pu! (shaking head)

Lantis: (grumbles) Stupid pet. You ruin all the fun. (continues to walk along the path.)

(Mokona follows Lantis but stops in front of a large, green bird.)

Mokona: Puuuuuuuuu! (pokes at bird)

Windam: …

Mokona: (stretches face and wiggles it at Windam) Puuuuuuuuu!

Windam: (sweatdrop) …

Mokona: (hops at Windam kicks at him) Pu, pu! (runs after Lantis)

Lantis: Mokona, would you shut up!?

Windam: Why you…?! (pecks at Mokona but hits Lantis instead)

Lantis: (gets pecked) YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOW!!!!! (glares at Mokona) MOKONA!!!!!!

Mokona: (shaking head) Pu,pu! Pupupupupupupupupu!

Lantis: (kicks Mokona out of way) Stupid pet. I could have smores with you!

Windam: (sneaks up behind Mokona and pecks again)

Mokona: (eyes bulging out and running to Lantis) PUUUUUUUU!!!!

Lantis: Ah! MOKONA!

Mokona: (grabs Lantis hair and turns him to face Windam) Pupupupupupupupu!!!!!

Lantis: (sees Windam) Hey! That's not a magic carpet!

_Clef: We're fresh out on carpets. Windam will have to do. _

Lantis: (mutters) Cheap bastards…

_Clef: Who you callin' cheap?!_

Windam: I am Windam. Diamond in the rough, show me thine heart–

Lantis: Yeah, yeah. Do you know the way to that stupid curry pot or not?

Windam: M_aaaaaaaaaaay_be.

Lantis: Windam…

Windam: Cheap bastard…

_Clef: Who you callin' cheap?!_

Windam: (says dully) Follow me.


End file.
